This is a hot topic that seems easier to avoid until you finally need to face it. Money is a big-ticket item in a relationship. It’s right up there with communication and trust. It is very hard to have a successful relationship where money isn’t discussed. On the surface things may seem fine however you are riddled with resentment, guilt, and fear. At some point, it’s all going to come up and it won’t be pretty.
As scary as it may seem, and as much as you don’t want to risk fighting, the more you discuss your finances, the easier these discussions will be.
Let’s compare these 2 couples:
Couple 1
Have regular money ‘dates’ where they will grab a coffee or have a glass of wine after the kids go to bed and go through their budget, bills, goals, and address any concerns. I actually know a lot of couples who do this. Lately with cost of living rises and higher home loan repayments, these conversations are often about tightening the budget. Not fun but also not forever! At the very least, they are both across their finances and even their day to day decisions can be informed by their current financial situation.
Couple 2
The wife is a spender and the husband is a saver. When they got married, the husband had enough savings to put more than a 50% deposit on a house. The wife however had a lot of debt. The husband did not want to start the marriage with debt so he used a fair chunk of his cash to pay out her credit cards and personal loans and still had a 20% deposit for a house. They kept their finances separate and both worked full time without kids. The wife’s spending is still out of control and she is also influenced by ‘get rich quick schemes’ which has left her with more loans for investments that lost the money. The husband has no idea how much debt she has and he does not want to know as he said he won’t sleep at night if he knows the figure. I can’t imagine he sleeps well not knowing either. This is a very dangerous situation and an extreme one but it does happen. In some cases, people ignore it to the point of bankruptcy. This can easily destroy a marriage.
It Takes Two!
Occasionally in my line of work I see cases where couples have gotten themselves into hot water and one party feels they have no fault as their spouse ‘handled the money’. You both need to be involved. You should both be aware of what bills are coming up, what’s coming in and out of your account and a rough idea of what your financial position is. At the point of a marriage breakdown there can be a lot of ‘you wanted that car’ or ‘you wanted to increase our home loan’. At the end of the day, it’s your joint position and you need to go into big decisions together.
How Do You Start?
The earlier these conversations start, the easier they will be. If you are in a situation where you are afraid to be fully open with your partner or you are worried that things are so dire that you won’t be able to navigate it together, it might be an idea to look for some extra guidance. You may benefit from finding a financial counselor or a local church program where an expert can talk you through the process, offer suggestions and chances are, comfort as they have likely seen worse situations turned around. If you feel you can both manage it together but are overwhelmed with the debt. It may be something the national debt helpline can help with.
Comentários